A PHIL X INTERMISSION:

While Rupert Zwevoid continues to sporadically publish his memoirs, I thought I would interject my report on last week's Gotham Girls roller derby game, in which Brooklyn came out on top. Enjoy, sports fans...

"These Girls Are The Bomb (Shells)"

Roller derby may be considered a "fringe sport" at best, but last Friday, the Gotham Girls drew a respectable crowd with the promise of women getting physical with one another on an indoor flat track.

More than 300 enthusiastic fans packed the Schwartz Athletic Center at Long Island University to watch the Brooklyn Bombshells defeat the Queens of Pain, 73-64, in a bi-borough battle. It was the inaugural game of the 2006 season for the Bombshells, as well as their first appearance at the new venue since the Skate Key in Mott Haven closed in April. A balanced attack, including 17 points a piece from rookie Sassy Hipsaw (on 6 jams) and team captain Anne Phetamean (on 5 jams), helped propel them to victory.

For the uninitiated to roller derby, it got started during the 1930's by a publicist named Leo Seltzer, who had the brilliant idea of combining roller skating with walkathons. Played mostly by men, the sport experienced numerous revivals over the last 40 years. Women's roller derby recently exploded in popularity after being mostly underground. In North America alone, the number of amateur leagues numbered more than 50 at the end of 2005.

Like the men's game, women's roller derby features frequent, violent contact between players. A lot of unnecessary skirmishing is penalized by referees, but there are still instances of elbowing, forearms to the back, and tripping up skaters, many of whom are traveling very fast. But the appeal of the game - at least, according to Brooklyn Bombshell Ariel Assault - goes beyond the adrenaline rush of knocking someone onto their rear. "While there's a lot of contact, it's more about skill and dexterity," she told the Ledger/Star. "The hitting is really accidental."

There also appears to be more strategizing going on than one might expect from a sport with this much pageantry. The Queens of Pain dress in all-black, dominatrix-inspired stockings and skirts, while the Bombshells take their cues from what look like female sailor outfits. Players have aliases like Ariel Assault, Suzy Hotrod, and Leggs Luthor. But each team has to try and win games, too; Queens' game plan prominently featured Hotrod, one of the league's best jammers, while Brooklyn relied heavily on depth and timely defense.

Queens' second-year star put up a monster statistic: 52 points on 18 jams. The rest of her team, however, combined for only 12 points. The Queens of Pain were also plagued by early penalties and a knee injury to co-captain Rolletta Lynn. After the game, manager Bust'er Cheatin acknowledged that the fouls put his skaters in a hole. "During the first three jams, we had three jammers called for penalties," he said. "It's tough to come back from that."

The score was actually knotted at halftime, and stayed close until midway through the second period. During those two jams, Brooklyn outscored its opponent 8-0 behind the skating of Phetamean and Hipsaw. However, the unsung heroes were the Bombshell blockers, who forced a seam in Queens' defensive formation allowing Hipsaw to knife through. Credit also belonged to Leggs Luthor, who skated at pivot and stifled Hotrod with relentless coverage. She would score only six points on her last eight jams.

Those last points represented Queens' last offensive gasp, which could have turned into a full-blown exhalation if not for Li'l Red Terror and Penny Larceny. Hotrod exploded out of the gate at the beginning of the jam, and rounded the track for six points before being knocked down. She was able to reclaim her position as lead jammer, but got caught behind a Bombshell double-block as Phetamean raced ahead for four points.

It was an interesting turnaround from the first half, in which Queens, playing their first game since winning the championship last season, led by as many as eight. As expected, Hotrod proved to be a one-woman wrecking crew. The momentum, however, shifted in the 12th jam as Queens' Scarlett Rage could not break free of Hipsaw and Brooklyn's Luthor skated off 12 points. One jam later, penalties meant Queens had to go without a jammer. Li'l Red Terror scored two points before being wiped out by Donna Matrix in one of the uglier rough-ups of the evening. The Bombshells led 40-33 before Hotrod and Matrix scored seven unanswered to tie things at the half.

But in the end, Brooklyn's ensemble was too much for Queens, who missed Rolletta Lynn down the stretch as well as rookie Blondzilla. But Bombshells co-captain Ariel Assault praised her team's work ethic and selfless game plan for eking out the win. "We trained really hard for this," she said. "Tonight, we just tried to skate as a team. Our only plan is not having any superstars. We're just a team."

At the other end of the track, Donna Matrix appeared to be looking past the loss, which was Queens' first-ever defeat since its inception into Gotham Girls Roller Derby two years prior. "Give everyone a turn [to win]," she said. "We've got Manhattan next."

And anyway, there was a more pressing matter that she wanted to talk about: Finding a new training facility for the Queens of Pain. "There's a huge crack in the middle of the rink [we use now]" Matrix said. "We need a home, we need a sugar daddy. Or better yet, we need a sugar mama."

They want a new place to skate already? This is New York, after all, even if roller derby is still considered a "fringe sport."