Okay, I promised to write about the demonstration in Times Square yesterday, so here I go. As most of you probably know, over 10,000 demonstrators, including police and firefighters, gathered in Times Square the past Thursday. They were protesting their wage increases over the next ten years; police and firefighters want pay raises that at least equal those of New York City public school teachers. Personally, I think they should get it.

Under their current contract, NYC police and firefighters start with a base salary around $35,000 a year. After five years, the most they could make is about $51,000. Not only is that less than a New York State police or firefighter could earn in the same amount of time, but it’s significantly less than what a NYC public teacher can earn after five years. According to the new contract the Teachers’ Union signed, public teachers can earn up to $81,000.

So, are New York City’s public teachers worth more than other civil servants, the ones who keep our streets safe and rescue our cats from trees? Let’s look at the facts: The city’s public schools are in horrendous shape. The only thing this inept cesspool of a school system has taught its students is how to get away with a sexual assault (Lesson one: Be the perpetrator.) Actually, that’s not entirely accurate. Thanks to that 12-headed stumbling monstrosity formerly known as the New York City Board of Ed, young people from each borough have learned that if you teach a few years, then get yourself a cushy job in an administrator’s office, you too can be an obsolete lardass leeching off the tax dollars of those who actually work for a living.

Of course, that’s not to say that teachers didn’t deserve raises. After all, the only excuse for the Hapsburgian gene pool that currently commendeers thousands of classrooms every day is the small money that used to be offered. So bravo the new contract. I’ll be honest with you. Before the announcement of that new contract, I never entertained the possibility of becoming a New York City schoolteacher. But with an extra $30,000 a year after five, heck, I might just go back for those 18 education credits. You can buy plenty of kevlar vests with that kinda moola.

But as for the police and firefighters, I say give them raises too. It all comes down to competency over the years, and the boys in blue got it done. Let’s face it, the school system went to hell in a handbag during the Giuliani years. The pay raises should garner some new qualified talent, but that’s just projection. For all we know, P.S. 277 will be a real-life Lord of the Flies by the time Bush finishes his second term. But while our teachers have long since proven themselves inefficient, our beloved NYPD needs no improvement when it comes to pulling out their firearms and bringing down a suspect. How efficient have they been? Not only have they killed drug dealers, rapists, and murderers, but look at all the innocent people they’ve killed too! At least we know our tax money for bullets hasn’t gone to waste. I’m sure the official bullet-to-human flesh ratio makes Ray Kelly proud!

So let’s not bogard the cash! I know what you’re thinking: Where would we get the money for these raises? From the corporations, that’s where! Corporate America doesn’t give a damn about anything except their own personal wealth, so why cut them any slack on their Manhatten office space? All we need is an extra billion or two every ten years. They spend that much on electricity shredding incriminating documents. What are the corporations going to do? Leave New York? Oh no! Thousands of investment bankers and stockbrokers will go with them. Wouldn’t that be a shame! You kidding? I say, you want to cure all of New York’s ailments, then get rid of some of these yuppified briefcase-pushers! We’ve already got more than we need. I can’t spit on the subway without hitting one of them (In truth, I don’t spit on the subway without aiming at one of them.) It used to be, the iconic image of New York was Broadway, then Wall St. We used to attract dreamers who wanted to make it as actors, dancers, musicians. Those days are over. I’m in a restaurant the other day, and there’s a waitress telling everyone how she wants to make it big as a tax accountant! Whoa! I know we’re not in Kansas anymore, Toto, but something tells me we’re not in Oz either!

Why not shake down some of those corporate sleazebags? If they leave, something else will always replace them. It’s a little known fact that New York City used to be the agricultural capital of the world. I read about it in the Post. There used to be a big farmers’ fair in the site that became the World Trade Center. I’m not saying we should go back to that specifically. The point is, there’s so many industries that would flock in and fill the void. There are already plans by Tribeca and other private companies to build soundstages in Brooklyn. Soon we’ll be the Hollywood of the east coast. If we don’t bankrupt Hollywood, we’ll at least kick Sydney, Australia’s ass. And anyway, NYU, Columbia, and Baruch put out so many quality business graduates a year that the firms will have to stay. They’ll just pay their employees less, and that’s just as good for the rest of us. Ideally, rents will go down, prices in general will follow, and then the cops, teachers, and firefighters won’t even need big raises to have a decent living wage. Baseball players would still earn too much money, but with any luck they’ll strike soon, no one will buy tickets anymore, and the entire sport will fade into obscurity.

So once again, police and firefighters deserve their raises, but we should force the greedy corporations to pay for them. If you have an opinion on the matter, whether it dissents or agrees with all the crap above, post it here at WHEN BLOGS ATTACK! Now, if you don’t mind, I’ve written way more than I expected to write. I should really stop doing that, since my real ambition is to be a portfolio manager. Or if that doesn’t work out, a really cool waiter.