Am I the only one who thinks it’s just a matter of time before President Bush declares Vancouver Canucks forward Todd Bertuzzi’s cheap shot hit on Colorado Avalanche forward Steve Moore to be the greatest threat this country has faced since gay marriage, which in turn was the greatest threat this country faced since steroid use in Major League Baseball?

(I’m sure someone in the Dubya administration would also list Janet Jackson’s breast-baring at the Super Bowl to be one of the greatest threats this country has faced in recent years. No one mention the last seven years of South Park, unless you want to see that person’s head explode…!)

But as far as Bertuzzi’s hit is concerned, let’s look at the big picture. This was the case of a CANADIAN hockey player decking an AMERICAN from behind, then slamming his head against the ice, then continuing to pound him until referees pulled him off. Steve Moore, an AMERICAN hockey player, spent several minutes lying face down in a pool of his own blood, while his assailant, a cowardly CANADIAN, skated back to the Canucks’ bench, where he exchanged high fives with his fellow CANADIANS.

As of today, Bertuzzi has been suspended for the rest of the season, including the playoffs. I don’t know whether that will be a huge impact on the Canucks, since (a) I don’t know whether Todd Bertuzzi is a good hockey player (At least for whatever parts of the game don’t involve cheapshotting an opponent player from behind.), (b) I don’t know whether the Canucks are going to make the playoffs, and (c) I don’t even know if hockey has playoffs, since I don’t follow hockey.

What I do know, however, is this: Whatever punishment was handed down by NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman is insultingly light, given the horrendous nature of Bertuzzi’s attack. Steve Moore received a broken neck, and a concussion, as a result of the cheap shot. Meanwhile, the sight of Moore lying prone and bloody was captured by television cameras in all its hideousness, and I am certain that many of the Canucks fans who attended that game had to be wondering whether they had just seen a murder being committed before their eyes. Make no mistake; even if Bertuzzi happens to be a franchise-caliber player, and his absence from the Canucks line-up inevitably costs them the penant/Super Bowl trophy/whatever, there can be no doubt that he got off with a slap on the wrist. As for his victim, he will be lucky if he one day resumes his professional career.