SIX MONTHS AND I’M RUNNING THE PLACE

It’s not quite August yet, but it will be soon, and that will mark both a small step and a giant leap for Phil X. Why? Because August – more specifically, the second Tuesday of the month – will mark six consecutive months as a paid newspaper reporter. Six months at my current job, people! I’d throw a party, but the odds are I’d let the euphoria get to my head, disappear into Canada for a few days, miss the usual Tuesday deadline, then get fired. That’s what you call irony, I think.

So maybe I’ll just post a congratulatory message to my blog or something. Anyway, that’s not why I’m writing. The reason that I’m writing is that something unexpected will be happening at the office during the fourth week of next month: Both my editors, “Blaine” and “Rick,” will be flying to Seattle to attend the wedding of a former colleague. They’ll be hanging out on the Pacific Coast for the entire week – AND LEAVING ME IN CHARGE! Of course, there poses a potential problem: With both editors out of town, most of the writing staff is effectively AWOL, too.

That’s where you loyal readers come in. Most of you live, if not work, in what is commonly referred to as the “outer boroughs,” i.e. Brooklyn and Queens. These happen to be the areas where our newspapers do most of their reporting. My proposition is this: During the fourth week of August, the week in which I am de facto Editor-in-Chief of our much-vaunted series of publications, I will happily deputize any of you as journalistic freelancers.

Don’t be intimidated, friends. Believe me, when I started out in this ink-stained racket, I couldn’t tell good reporting from a hole in the ground. I still can’t. But while I don’t have a clear grasp of what I do, even after all this time, I have a job, and I can teach you everything I know in under two hours.

Your mission, should you choose to accept is, is to attend and report back on anything cultural or newsworthy occurring in your respective neighborhoods. You can also take photos and submit them. Think of it as a way to give back to your local community, or to get a foot in the door of the hyper-competitive field of professional journalism.

And if that isn’t enough, we’ll pay you money.