OK, I was supposed to comment on those three Arab students who were kicked out of a Miami med school. However, I temporarily died, so I was unable to complete my commentary. Now that I am alive again…

So the three Arab students were sitting in this diner-type establishment. Since the event took place somewhere in central Florida, it was probably a Waffle House. I find that particularly disappointing. The Waffle House, while lacking the variety of a Denny’s or International House of Pancakes, always provides fine ambiance and a good homemade pie. I would hate to accuse their staff of being nosy, but of all the conversations they could have overheard, it HAPPENED to be the one from a table of Middle Easterners. Hmm. Somewhat convenient, no?

According to the Waffle House waitress who did the eavesdropping, one of the Arab students said something along the lines of: “How much would it cost to bring it down?”

The Waffle House waitress conferred with her fellow Waffle House staff (Bet that was a thrill. The rare opportunity to go from drawing straws for who gets to clean the restrooms to playing Joint Chiefs of Staff. Well, in a crisis…) Anyway, the Waffle Housers assumed that the Arabs were planning to “bring down” a building. Like with explosives and stuff. So the Waffle Housers called the cops.

The three Arab med students were eventually cleared of any wrongdoing. According to one of the students, they were discussing the cost of bringing down a car. Of course, whether or not our three misadventurers had been up to no good, they never did get to attend that Miami med school. The name of the med school has gone unrevealed. I think that reflects our country’s current anti-brown people sentiments. Any other time, the focus would be on the injustice performed by the Miami med school. The way this story was filtered out, however, it almost seems like the press favors the unfair treatment of innocent Arabs.

Or it could just be that the Miami med school didn’t want its name revealed. I mean, if I were a med school in Miami, I think I’d be more than a little ashamed of myself.

Anyway, I think we can all agree that the ordeal suffered by these Arab students reflects what always happens during wartime: Good-hearted foreigners, who come to this country to work and get ahead in life, become persecuted because of the actions of a despicable minority. And that minority, of course, are dirty, lazy hippies.

The facts are there. Do you think the rich folks send their kids to attend med schools in Miami? Everyone knows the best med school in Florida is FSU in Gainesville. It’s located right next to Jackson Memorial Hospital, and has been on the cutting edge of cancer and MS research for the past two decades. Meanwhile, what have Miami hospitals been researching—the allergic components in recreational foam?

So if the rich kids are at FSU, who’s attending med schools in Miami, other than foreigners whose admissions status get revoked on a whim? I’ll tell you who: the children of middle-class, Miami-based yuppies. You better believe they’re taking advantage of proximity and residential status. And what did yuppies transmogrify from—from way back during the sixties? Hippies, of course! Everyone knows that’s what they evolved from!

Hypocritical hippies! Sure, four decades ago they were all peace and love. But after hearing about the Waffle House bust, you better believe they were on the phone with the dean of their kids’ school, yappin’ “No way are TERRORISTS attending the same med school as my children! I didn’t drag my cowardly ass back from Canada for THAT!”

So clearly, dirty lazy hippies are directly responsible for innocent Arab med students getting expulsed. I don’t know about you, but it makes me mad. I’m gonna drive down to Florida right now, hop into that same Waffle House, and say out loud, “I wonder how much explosive I’d need to bring it down!” The waitress would probably give me a weird look. I’d catch the look, turn back to her and tell her, “I’m talkin about the Hippie Nation, sister. I’m talkin about bringin down the Hippie Nation.”

Then I would eat some homemade pie.