SEX AND VIOLENCE, VEGAS STYLE!

No, that’s not another shameless attempt to draw attention to my blog. Instead, it’s the latest in adult entertainment on the strip! Just go to your nearest search engine and look up the phrase “Hunting for Bambi.” Voila! Paintball for perverts!

For a measly $10,000, you too can hunt naked women in a forest with a paintball gun! Better yet, if you “tag” one of the girls, you can have sex with her if she’s willing! Don’t worry, the majority of the “Bambis” have full-time gigs as prostitutes, so it wouldn’t be exploitation. At $10,000 a pop, you could actually call it overpaying!

Say, isn’t that the National Organization for Women aiming those laser sights at my crotch? Yes, you could argue that this kind of “sport” only strengthens the male inclination to objectify women as sex objects. But the founder of “Hunting for Bambi” argues that the women are very well-compensated. They get $1,000 for playing, and a whopping $2,500 if they can survive the game without being tagged. And none of the women are required to have sex with the male players. Even in the worst case scenario, Bambis earn $1,000 for stripping naked and getting some exercise. Wouldn’t this be preferable to turning tricks and spreading disease out in the brothels of No Man’s Land?

Now, there are some psychologists who argue that engaging in this kind of sport is potentially hazardous. Even the creator of “Hunting for Bambi” admits that their main clientele are “wimps” who aren’t exactly “Friday night with the guys”-types. Anti-social John Lithgow-in-a-De-Palma-flick guys. They throw down the cash, max out their credit cards, and get to live out their Rambo fantasies (And relive them as well. “Hunting for Bambi” sends a video guy with you to document your adventure. Just $10,000! All major credit cards accepted!) What if these guys don’t exactly have all their bolts properly tightened? What if they go Del Toro and start living out their huntin’ fantasies on women outside the “Bambi” grounds? Could “Hunting for Bambi” become a magnet for serial rapists and killers in training? The Post interviewed several customers after a successful Bambi hunt, and their highly intellectual banter went along the lines of:

“I shot at the one with the biggest rack,” and
“Got one of them in the ass. (Pause.) Reeeaaaaaalll sexy.”

But let’s not avoid the real issue here. As a society, we objectify women, especially Bambi-types with extremely generous physical attributes. Adult games like “Hunting for Bambi” only strengthen such objectification, at the cost of alienating perfectly nice, smart, non-Bambi types (and mute girls). My solution to this kind of superficial object-making? We have to hire non-showgirl types to strip naked and allow themselves to be hunted by guys with paint guns. We can call it “Hunting for Betsy” or something less exotic-sounding. It’s about time the psychos in America got the chance to meet nice girls, the type who may not make the cover of Playboy magazine, but could very easily write and publish it.

Then we can shoot those girls in the ass. Reeeeaaaaaallll sexy.