DECISION ’05: WHO WILL BE THE NEXT POPE?

The hubbub over who will succeed the late Pope John Paul II has barely started, but personally, I think it should get as much American television airplay as last year’s Presidential Election. After all, Catholics are a major political force in this country. Judging by a recent ABC news poll, they might also be the most progressive-leaning of the major Christian religious sects.

According to said poll, the majority of American Catholics are pro-choice. The same sample information said the majority of American Catholics support gay marriages and civil unions. Granted, ABC could have limited its polling to the state of Massachusetts, specifically Ted Kennedy. But that’s not giving Catholics enough credit.

Churches willing to perform gay marriage ceremonies have been popping up all over the northeast. For many homosexuals, having their union blessed by God and the church, under the rites of Catholicism, is of tremendous importance. Rewarding this kind of loyalty, welcoming it, is incredibly smart behavior on the part of the Catholic church. Because the Christian faith needs to amass as many potential soldiers as possible for the upcoming war with the Muslim countries.

But who will be the next Pope, and will the candidates get the requisite airtime, given how important it is to select the right man for the job? Will we, the American people, get to know our candidates, the way we did the Democratic Presidential wannabes? I hope so. Come on, ABC!

Bring on the outsider Archbishop, the guy who wants to be the Pope for all those guys down South who have Confederate flags on their pick-up trucks. Bring on the youthful Archbishop with the Southern drawl, who makes up for his lack of experience with an ebullient personality. Or the fiscally-conservative Pope candidate, who has good ideas and lots of experience, if only we could get over his stodginess and lack of height. And let’s not forget the paternal-looking, Brahmin of Archbishops, who spent years in the jungle spreading the word of God, and seems the most Pope-ish of all potential Popes.

Of course, some of the most impressive Catholic faith-spreading seems to be occurring in Africa. As a result, the electing of a black Pope might not be entirely out of the question. One can only hope, however, that if Pope ’05 resembles the Democratic nomination process of ’04, the black candidate isn’t a Reverend. That candidate didn’t get any of the vote. But an African Pope, who has seen the ravages of AIDS first-hand, could accomplish something important that John Paul II failed to do: Address the need for safe sex education, and allow the use of condoms.

The possibilities for the next Pope are certainly intriguing. But like Decision ’04, I can’t help believing Decision ’05 will ultimately yield more of the same. Status quo; someone who appeals to the conservative extremes. Stagnation in the face of God.

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