BUT WE STILL HAVEN’T ANSWERED THE MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION: WHAT VIDEO GAMES DID THEY PLAY?!

The streets of South Florida might be a little bit safer tonight, now that three suspects, William Ammons, age 18, Brian Hooks, age 18, and Thomas Daugherty, age 17, have been arrested and charged with the beatings of three homeless men early last Thursday.

I was planning to rant my eternal disappointment at the fact that Ammons got a sweet deal for ratting out Hooks and Daugherty. However, it turns out this might have been the Broward County Sheriff Department’s plan all along, since only a few hours after Ammons posted a $10,000 bond for aggravated assault against one Raymond Perez, he was re-arrested for the murder of Norris Gaynor. I’ll bet that kid’s parents wish they had just taken the $5,000 and blown it at an Indian casino. $5,000 for a few hours reprieve from jail. I won’t even try to break that down into an hourly rate, but when young Mr. Ammons finally gets paroled a decade or two down the line, his parents ought to take a page out of his book and crack his skull with a Louisville Slugger.

Incidentally, compare the following two photographs. The old adage goes: a picture can speak a thousand words. I don’t know if either of them are exactly worth a Newsweek article, but they do crack me up as I go back and forth between them. I’d say they’re the equivalent of a single “Big Picture” bit from the old Dennis Miller cable program.

William Ammons leaving jail Tuesday morning, having posted $10,000 bond. Little f***er probably thinks he beat the rap and is home free:
www.sun-sentinel.com/media/photo/2006-01/21479003.jpg

William Ammons on the same day, after his re-arrest for a different crime. He should look worried, since he’s being charged with murder this time. Is it just me, or has he aged, like, three years in just a couple of hours? www.sun-sentinel.com/media/thumbnails/photo/2006-01/21475595.jpg

Now, as we all know, technology made this arrest go down as quickly as it did. A hidden camera in the Florida Atlantic University campus captured Hooks and Daugherty beating the helpless Norris Gaynor to death. Thanks to technology, the creepy, “Ain’t it cool?” smile worn by Daugherty as he delivered life-threatening injuries to his quarry is forever recorded. With any luck, it will follow him like a vengeful ghost, ruining any plans he may have for a normal life after prison. Heck, it may ruin his chances for a life in prison; he makes Casper the Friendly Ghost look like Denzel Washington, while Gaynor was black. That should go over well with the brothers who make up the vast majority of the Florida penitentiary crowd.

But Brian Hooks might be even more deserving of a “blanket party” welcome, as the folks in the pokey call it. For his part in the attacks, the judge wouldn’t even allow him bail. Also, look at his mug: www.sun-sentinel.com/media/thumbnails/photo/2006-01/21452796.jpg

Observe that low, criminal forehead. And those prominent ears! Phrenology alone may not prove Hooks has always been pre-destined for criminal involvement, but even acquaintences express less than outright shock that he has been charged with murder.

Holly Keegan, a 2004 graduate of South Plantation High who once had geometry class with Hooks, said Hooks “didn't seem like someone who would go beat bums up for the hell of it." But Keegan also stated that Hooks could behave “annoying and stupid.” She added that their semi-cordial relationship during high school might have had something to do with her being, “not homeless.”