CLASS-LESS ACTION?

That's it, I'm filing a lawsuit. Constant exposure to television during the brunt of my lifetime has left me hopelessly superficial. Television has told me what kind of women are "beautiful," and therefore, worthy of attention: flawless skin, a body skinny enough that it could be used as a spare axle on my car, and a completely shallow personality. Damn you, mass media! I am only average-looking, and unlikely to crack the upper-middle-class income bracket, monetary-wise! Clearly, I shall never find anyone who can live up to the hopelessly high standards which the mass media has imprinted on me. It's all their fault! How was I to know that watching all that television could harm me psychologically?

Between the TV networks, the fashion industry, and Hollywood, and all the damage done to me, I think $8-10 billion is a fair settlement. Hey, if inner city kids could sue McDonalds for making them fat, why can't I sue television for making me a jerk? At least those kids could all be thin twenty years from now...