Undies? More like FUN-dies!

I didn't feel like travelling very far this weekend. Luckily, I live just a few blocks from Kings Plaza, and Sears was having one of those holiday-Let's get rid of our junk-sales. Bought some new socks and undies--or "Men's Foundation," as they're called.

I've got two uncles who also live in the city. They each visit about once a week, so they wash their clothes in the downstairs washer. Hey, why not? I'm mean, they're visiting anyway, right? Unfortunately, everyone's clothes tend to get mixed up at times. I can't tell you the number of times one of my uncles has had to return a pair of either of my... "foundations."

So like a lot of people, I write my name on my undies. Permanent marker; a strong blue or black. But I realize that it can be embarrassing to find you've swiped a set of someone else's unmentionables. My solution: Not only do I write my name, but I try to inscribe an entertaining message on each of my tightey whiteys. I find it relieves the tension.

Past messages have included:

"You've stolen PHIL's undies! Please wash them before you return them."

"Si tu nombre no es PHIL, no se pone esta ropa."

"Boy, PHIL can really wear 'em out, can't he?"

And those are the tasteful ones.

I've already started marking up the new ones. My favorite so far is:

"I'd give anything to be panties!"

It's just my way of doing my part to make the world a happier, funnier place. ...Yeah, I'll go take another walk.