Due to popular demand, here are the lyrics to the song "Kill a Kitten." I hear it is popular everywhere, and not just here in my fictional Iraqi city.

"Kill a Kitten"
By Stephen Lynch

When the game of like makes you feel like quittin'
it helps a lot if you kill a kitten.

Mark my words 'cause from where I'm sittin'
you can't go wrong if you kill a kitten.

There's no crime that you'd be committin.'
I know the law -- you can kill a kitten.

And if you need yarn for that scarf you're knittin' you'll get plenty
when you kill a kitten.

Feed it turpentine or break its spine.
Crush it with your shoe as long as you kill a kitten.

If the one you love isn't quite as smitten,
she'll like you better if you kill a kitten.

And I'll quote the bible 'cause that's where it's written,
if ye loveth Jesus ye must kill a kitten.

Flush it down the can.
Hit it with your van.
Drown it in a lake.
Bake a kitty cake.
Throw it at a train.
Make it snort cocaine.
Stick some TNT up its cat booty.

Do what you must do as long as you
kill a kitten.

Killing kittens isn't easy
and if the thought makes you feel queasy
grab a pitchfork from the shed
and kill a puppy dog instead.

Kill a kitten.
Kill a kitten
a little furry kitten.

WRITE THE "ARTIST" :
> Stephen Lynch ("Artist" of the Song)
> Email: pushead@aol.com
>
> COPY LYNCH'S AGENTS ON THE LETTER YOU SEND TO LYNCH:
> Stephen Lynch's Press Contact:
> Sarah Hall Productions, Inc.670 Broadway, Suite 502
> New York, NY, 10012
> Telephone: 212.529.1598
> Fax: 212.529.3171
> Email: SHPNY@aol.com
>
> Stephen Lynch's Booking Agent:
> Conan Smith
> William Morris Agency
> 1325 Avenue Of The Americas
> New York, NY, 10019
> Telephone: 212.903.1105
> Fax: 212 903-1409
> Email: CQA@WMA.COM