IF THIS IS INTERNMENT, LOCK ME UP AND THROW AWAY THE KEY.

People ask me how I ended up the Communications intern at a non-profit organization uptown. The truth is, I talked to a stranger. Call it a happy accident, like the time I shot my testicles off with that .38. Stupid me for sticking it in my drawers without clicking the safety on. I remember thinking it was a real bummer when it happened, but then that chick I barely dated told everyone I was the father of her baby, and I was like, "Hell no, bitch! Ain’t no way that kid is mine, and I gots the proof floating in a glass jar on my nightstand."

The way the internship happened was, I had purchased a round-trip ticket from New York to Miami. In my haste, I selected LaGuardia Airport as my return destination, instead of Kennedy, which is closer to where I live. This upset me at first (Like losing the testicles, but I mentioned that already), but while I was sitting in the lobby at Ft. Lauderdale Airport, for that return flight to LaGuardia, I struck up a random conversation with a middle-aged woman sitting nearby. We hit it off; she told me about the non-profit she’s Executive Director of, and when time came to board the plane, it turned out we had adjacent seats in the same row! We talked for the entire flight back, and by the time the tires hit the runway at LaGuardia, Queens, she handed me a business card and offered me the internship.

I don’t make any money at this internship—not yet, anyway. What do I do for the organization? Mostly, I write. We’ve spent the last month organizing a major benefit concert at Harlem’s World Famous Apollo Theater, and my job was writing all the press releases. I do other stuff, too, of course; I compiled a list of press contacts (print only), and I’m in the process of completing a fifth (sixth?) rewrite of a second draft of the keynote speech for "Jackie," Executive Director and the woman who offered me the internship. I think this one’s good to go. Come Monday, over a thousand people at Harlem’s World Famous Apollo Theater will get to hear claptrap that yours truly wrote. These are truly heady days.

By the way, would anyone like to attend a major benefit concert and student talent showcase at Harlem’s World Famous Apollo Theater this Monday? Tickets are still available by phone. R&B by people who are supposed to be genuinely talented! I’ll give you a voucher for one free speech if you go!