HERE'S A "WHEN BLOGS ATTACK RELOADED!" DEDICATED TO JAY, WHO IS CURRENTLY IN MED SCHOOL.

(The following mock-interview transcript was written sometime November 2002. It went over quite well, and complete strangers wrote in posing as diseases. Since I don’t know the identities of the participants, I didn’t include their questions, nor my responses, which is a shame. However, I have included the few questions which I myself wrote in, posing as a “caller.”)


POXLINE interview with Bubonic Plague transcript:

POX: In case you haven't been paying attention to the news recently, Bubonic Plague has been sighted in New York City. It’s their first visit to the Big Apple in over a hundred years, people! And guess who was the first to get an interview with them? That's right—POXLINE! Okay, Bubonic Plague. Welcome!

BUBONIC PLAGUE: It’s great to be here, Pox.

POX: Okay! Last year, Anthrax reappeared out of nowhere. Now it's you guys. Has New York become the hotspot for comeback diseases or what?

BUB PL: (Laughs) Maybe. No, the thing is, we never really went away. We never stopped working. We've just been on the road a lot.

POX: Where have you guys been touring?

BUB PL: We did some shows in the Balkans. We did Surat, India just a few years back. Fans can log onto http://www.ento.vt.edu/IHS/plague.html#bubonic for information on our recent tour.

POX: I'm sure they will. Man, I saw some pictures the other day of some masoleums from a few hundred years back. You guys could really pack the house!

BUB PL: Right, the Dark Ages tour.

POX: Has it been a while since you've done large venues like that? From what I've heard, it's been smaller outbreaks lately. Do you prefer the smaller venues?

BUB PL: There's no reason we couldn't still do large shows. I mean, I'm sure the fans would show up. But, uh, it's just, like, so much more difficult now than it was during the Dark Ages tour to get the venues. More complicated. Now you've got sanitation standards, garbage collection, regular bathing, that kind of thing. We did a big show in Surat, but, you know, the access is so much easier in less affluent countries sometimes.

POX: So tell me, guys. Why, after over a hundred years, did you decide to come back to New York City?

BUB PL: Well, after all the terrible shit that went down on 9/11, we just wanted to get out and show our support.

POX: You did a small show yesterday. How did that go over?

BUB PL: It was a small show. Completely unexpected. The audience was practically soiling itself. (Laughs.)

POX: And the way Bubonic Plague works, you do soil yourself. You expel blood and hemorrhage from within, right?

BUB PL: Yep.

POX: Sounds like an amazing experience. Okay guys, before I turn things over to the callers, I want to ask: What do you guys want to say to everyone out there who thinks Bubonic Plague is a has-been disease, that you aren't nearly as lethal as you once were?

BUB PL: Uh, well, just let us do our thing.

POX: Okay, then. Let’s turn things over to our first caller. This is Jasmina, and she’s calling from Surat, India. Hey Jasmina. You’re on Poxline.

CALLER: Hey! I caught you guys in Surat! You SO rock! I'm in New York now. Are you planning any more shows?

BUB PL: We haven't made any definite plans yet, but there's a lot of garbage in the streets lately. Not to mention rats in the subway tunnels. Keep your fingers crossed!

POX: Next up is Ash. He’s calling from California. Ash, you’re on Poxline.

CALLER: I caught Bubonic Plague in Italy. I was sick in bed for weeks! They rule!

BUB PL: Thanks, bro. We really digged Italy. Glad you're feeling better.

POX: I notice that a lot of callers aren't asking questions, so I'm going to interrupt with one. Bubonic Plague, you've received a lot of negative press to go with your success over the years. There are still parents out there who accuse you of killing 25% of the population of Europe during the 14th century. What do you have to say in reply?

BUB PL: You know, we've avoided discussing that issue for a long time. I guess we’ve gotten used to all the talk. As cynical as it sounds, Pox, we've noticed that it goes with being successful. If we hadn't been nearly as successful a disease during the 14th century, no one would be giving us flak over all the death that went on. But that's just how this industry works. Our stand has always been this: For years, parents accused Ozzy Osbourne of corrupting their youth. They blamed Marilyn Manson for the Columbine shootings. And they've always blamed us for the deaths of 25% of Europe during the 14th century. But hey, there was still another 75% of Europe to whom nothing bad happnened. And today, there are still millions of people who catch disease and turn out just fine. Instead of blaming plagues for everything, maybe families ought to do more communicating.

POX: I agree. Well, that’s all the time we have this week on Poxline. I’d like to thank Bubonic Plague for stopping by. Join us next week for Influenza. Seems like they drop in every year around this time.


End interview transcript.