REMEMBERING JOHN SCHLESINGER:

News reached me late last Friday that director John Schlesinger had passed away. He had spent the previous months on life support after suffering a massive stroke. In memory of Mr. Schlesinger, here are excerpts from my upcoming memoir, entitled My Upcoming Memoir. They chronicle my days as production assistant on “Midnight Cowboy,” which Mr. Schlesinger directed. I was part of the New York City crew. Filming took place in 1968:

-“Like most visionary directors, Mr. Schlesinger respects guts and talent. He prefers to surround himself with individuals of these qualities. …I was one of numerous production assistants, toiling away in obscurity, until one fateful day when Mr. Schlesinger and cinematographer Adam Holender were discussing a shot in the drug den. It was quite a heated argument. I strode confidently up to both Mr. Schlesinger and Mr. Holender, cleared my throat audibly, and once I had both men’s attention, said,

“Provolone is just as good with tuna salad as American.”

Mr. Schlesinger had been grappling with this problem all morning. Later, he took me aside and told me I had real bullocks. And that is how I was promoted from catering to one of Mr. Schlesinger’s most-trusted assistants.”

-“Originally, writer Waldo Salt wanted to call the movie ‘Whore: What is it Good For?’ I happened to mention that ‘Midnight Cowboy,’ which was the name of the novel the picture was based on, might make a better title. Mr. Salt replied by having the teamsters move my car into the East River. …Incensed, I asked Mr. Schlesinger what I should do about Mr. Salt.

“Life is all about moral decisions,” Mr. Schlesinger replied. “Don’t think about how the situation will resolve itself. Think about how you yourself will change as a result of it.”

I spent days puzzling over this quizzical reply. Mr. Salt, meanwhile, finally seemed appeased after successfully dropping Sylvia Miles on my head.”

-“Wiring the streets of Times Square with hidden microphones was Mr. Schlesinger’s brilliant idea. He wanted to capture the authentic sounds of that cesspool of inequity.

While miking a streetlamp, I inadvertently jostled an Ecuadorian pimp, who began to furiously beat me across the head and stomach. Mr. Schlesinger was nearby, and he raced onto the scene, grabbing hold of the enraged pimp.

“No! No! No!” Mr. Schlesinger yelled. “Authenticity is everything! If you were beating this person in real life, you would do more stomping! More stomping!”

None of the audio footage for the incident—eight takes in all—made it to the final cut of the film. To this day, Mr. Schlesinger laments this. He thought the sounds I make choking up blood in the fifth take were especially brilliant.”

-“Towards the last week of shooting in midtown, Mr. Schlesinger and crew rented out a dingy apartment on the tenth floor of a run-down tenement. The apartment was used for interiors of Ratso Rizzo’s hovel; the building was used in exterior shots. During one of the key scenes, Dustin Hoffman (playing Rizzo) tries to break open a coconut using a window. …According to the script, the coconut would fall out the window, breaking on-impact with the street below. Unfortunately, we only had one coconut.

Mr. Schlesinger gave me the important task of standing on the sidewalk ten stories beneath the window, and catching the coconut every time it fell.

I am happy to say that through all fifteen takes of the coconut falling out the window, I succeeded in, if not catching the coconut with my hands, preventing it from hitting the pavement by using my head and/or body as a shield. I suffered a mere five or six concussions in the course of shooting that scene. Mr. Schlesinger, meanwhile, was ever the professional, and would only burst into laughter after every other take.”