THANK HEAVEN FOR LEE-TAL GURLS...

There's this chick I used to go out with back in Miami. I won't use her real name, but let's call her "M&M." Oh man, if you met her, you'd agree she'd be the worst possible person for me to pair up with. But what I can say? She was a mix of German, Italian, Irish, Scottish, with about one-eighths Cherokee Indian, and she spoke both Mandarin and Cantonese with a perfect Chinese accent. Better still, she was a naive small-town gal from Ft. Myers, and I was the slightly older, much more metropolitan city boy (My neurosis took in plays, while hers' went to the drive-in.)

In other words, I was Alvy Singer, and she was Annie Hall.

As you'd expect, there were betrayals, reconciliations, resentments, all that before our first date. Then I took off for NYU. It greatly pained me to have to put her out of my life. It pained me even more when she kept e-mailing me, so I wasn't able to. Seriously. I got fed up with her almost two years ago, but the girl keeps e-mailing me. It's like, "Phil, why don't you write to me anymore?" "Uh, because you took me for granted all those years ago and it's better that I have nothing to do with you ever again." And she did take me for granted, too. I think it's funny that, once upon a time, I'd be the one e-mailing her regularly, and she'd be the one never responding. Now things are reversed. Who'd have expected it?


YOU'VE GOTTA BE KIDNEY-ING ME.

I signed up for two classes at NYU Continuing Ed, both for a Publishing Certificate, and both taught by the same professor. First week went well, and I did all my homework. Now my phone rings this morning, and it's the head of the department. She says the professor is in the hospital with a serious kidney problem, and this week's classes have been cancelled. The semester's only 10 weeks long, so this is already an inconvenience. However, then the department head says there's a chance one or both courses will have to be cancelled, if no replacement can be found, because her problem is so serious.

I sincerely hope the instructor gets better. But at the same time, I can't help noticing that this is the second time this semester threatens to be a complete washout. Oh, what a wacky comedy this world is! Let's not forget the valuable lesson we've learned, however: Stay away from Phil! He is a walking magnetic for negative energy!