THE THIRD RAIL'S NOT JUST FOR ELECTROCUTION ANYMORE...

Apparently, if there's a medical emergency, the Q-line clears all trains to one side and then barrels down the empty rail at warp speed. I know this because today, on the way back from work, someone got sick between DeKalb Avenue and Atlantic. Someone with the ill person panicked, and pulled the emergency brake, which stopped us dead on the track. The conductor called into the station regarding the medical emergency. After he got notice to drive the train down to Church Avenue, he alerted all the other trains, who moved from the express line onto the local. Then our train took off.

I had no idea a subway train could travel that quickly. It was amazing. Best of all, when we pulled into Church Avenue, and the paramedics rushed in, the ill person was still conscious. With any luck, she will turn out just fine.


MY JOB...

We're entering "peak season" here at Bowne. No, that's not some David Lynch reference; it means we get a sh*tload of TEP's and PPR's every day. Sadly, my computer has yet to be set up with Arbortext. I cannot parse. Constantly having to ask my co-workers to parse for me is slowing things down, so something must be done!

On the bright side, I'm entering my fifth week already. When I first started this job, my short-term goal was to last longer than Report Card, and it looks like that will actually happen.

HEY, YOU'RE THE ONE SELLING IT...

Had one of those highlight reel moments the other day at the Sam Goody in Kings Plaza. I found a discount copy of Lumet's "Dog Day Afternoon," and I figured I'd buy it for my brother. Now, I'm waiting in line for the cashier, and I notice that she spends several minutes with every customer asking if they're interested in joining the Sam Goody "Blah-blah-blah" Club, where you get a free DVD for every hundred you buy, or something. Whatever.

Anyway, when it's finally my turn, she takes a look at my choice of purchase that day and feigns interest. "Ooh. What's this about?" she asks.

I look her straight in the eye and tell her the God's honest truth: "It's about this guy who tries to rob a bank so that his gay lover can have the sex-change operation he needs." This was followed by a BIG smile.

The cashier kind of stared at me, blinked a few times, then replied, "Oh." Then she handed me back my credit card (we handled the financial transaction right along with the verbal one) and more or less sped me on my way.

But the best part is, she didn't bother offering me a membership in the Sam Goody "Blah-blah-blah" Club!


AN ISSUE REGARDING TOP TEN MOVIE LISTS:

So I rewatched "Once Upon a Time in China" for the third time (Would that make it "Thrice Upon a Time in China?" Never mind. Don't want my brain to explode.) I actually think this movie gets better every time I see it. Ever since I acquired some modest knowledge about film technique, I find the fight scenes ever more fascinating. My God, Tsui Hark and Woo-Ping Yuen understand the magic of continuity editing like no other filmmaker I've ever seen. I mean, it's easy to make sleek fight scenes, a la "Matrix," when you have the money to back it up. Hark and Co. did not, and yet, thanks to continuity editing, their film manages to be convincing.

Getting to the point: I've decided, after much deliberation, that OUATIC is the #1 film for 1991. I like it even more than "Delicatessen," and I really like "Delicatessen." What can I say? 1991 is a really strong year, in my opinion. Now, OUATIC 2 is the #1 film of 1992. Is it considered gauche to have consecutive #1 films by the same filmmaker, and in the same series? Would it be considered gauche to institute a tie, as I would have no problem making both OUATIC and "Delicatessen" #1 movies for that year? Surely there is some authority to whom I can take this problem to. Authority, where art thou?

BOWNE: THE SAUNA CHRONICLES

So the techpool used to be situated in one corner of the office, adjacent to a nice window view of the midtown skyline. Then one day some asshole exec walked over to our corner and said, "This would make a great office for me. Why don't all of you go somewhere else?" Much like the Native Americans before us, we were forced to relocate. And relocated we were--into a closet behind the office kitchenette.

There is no ventilation in this kitchenette. There are no windows, either. Somehow, you can plug in a half-dozen computers, but without any means for the warm air produced by our machines to escape, our little techpool now feels like a Turkish sauna. I spent 8 hours in the sauna today. I still feel dehydrated, but it's only Tuesday. God, this job sucks.

OTHER NEWS:

So I won the 2-disc collector's edition of Akira on e-bay. Was $6--including shipping and handling--a good deal? Ah, it'll probably suck.

AM I THE ONLY ONE DRAWN TO UNMITIGATED DISASTERS?

Let's say it's Friday evening. You're in the mood for a movie. Your options are: Rob Marshall's Oscar-winning Chicago, or the newly-released, 140-minute Director's Cut of Michael Cimino's The Sicilian, the 115-minute cut of which is considered one of the most unwatchable movies of all time. Which would you choose? I have this terrible, nagging feeling that the majority of persons would go with the former choice. After all, it won a plethora of Academy Awards, critics loved it--it's overall safe entertainment. Also, unlike The Sicilian, Chicago doesn't star Christopher Lambert. Who in their right mind would rather sit through a long cut of an Italian action-melodrama starring the squinty star of Highlander, and directed by the guy who made the ridiculously expensive, ridiculously pointless (So I've read) Heaven's Gate? Strangely enough, I would.

Now, I'm familiar with the trajectory of Michael Cimino's career. The Sicilian was made in 1987, almost a decade after Cimino had success with The Deer Hunter. This is also after Heaven's Gate, which nearly killed Cimino's career overnight. And yeah, sure, he bounced back a little with Year of the Dragon in 1985 (penned by Oliver Stone.) But it is a testament to the enduring notoreity of Heaven's Gate that no one talks about the fiasco that was The Sicilian. It's actually the lesser of two disasters. Any credibility Cimino had left after Dragon was wiped out by this western-style drama, based on a novel by Mario Puzo, which, like Heaven's Gate, ran long into production and way over-budget, due to the director's incurable habit of excess and need for perfection. Now, there is talk that the original, 144-minute version of this film actually makes total sense. Many European critics on the web, who have seen the longer cut, have even cited it as Cimino's other masterpiece, next to The Deer Hunter. But legend has it that the American studio who financed the picture demanded that it be cut down to under 2 hours. Never one to compromise, Cimino supposedly made a 117-minute cut of the film that was deliberately confusing and unwatchable (Apparently, even more so than Heaven's Gate.) He never expected the studio to release the horrible 117-minute cut; he figured his original version would ultimately be released.

But the joke was on Cimino. The edited-down Sicilian was released to hostile reaction (Though amazingly, not as hostile as the reaction to Heaven's Gate.) It would be years before Cimino would get an offer to direct a remake of The Desperate Hours. This 1990 film, starring Mickey Rourke and Anthony Hopkins, would also bomb, more or less shoveling the dirt onto the gravemound of Michael Cimino's career.

Yet the movies he made survive. The Deer Hunter is considered a classic, and The Sicilian might also be one. There's also Heaven's Gate, which I would also rather sit through than Chicago, because safe entertainment is just too damn safe sometimes.

MY SEVENTH DAY AT BOWNE:

And on the seventh day, Phil rested.

I will be taking some kind of idiot test Friday.

IN OTHER NEWS...

I decided to commit to Rutgers. It was a tough decision, made even more difficult by SUNY Buffalo's scholarship offer. But in the end, 400 miles is 400 miles, and I just don't want to travel that far for grad school.

Goodnight, everybody!

MY SIXTH DAY AT BOWNE:

Hi! To those of you out there who previously worked for Bowne, I put this query: Did you get evaluated after only four days on the job?

I know I was evaluated. And the conclusion reached by both my floor manager and XB, our project manager, is that I am a computer retard. Now, I don't think I am an actual retard. I know how to do things on the computer. However, I don't know all the shortcuts. Also, I try to do a good job, so it is possible that I overcompensate, and thus, make simple mistakes. But that is besides the point.

The point is, after six days employed at Bowne, confidence in my ability to do things is not exactly strong. Ah well.

MY FIFTH DAY AT BOWNE:

Things were okay today. If not for a last-minute snafu wherein I ran Clean Trados on an instance file, as opposed to an rtf file, for an important ppr, today was actually pretty good. Yeah, I know. Stupid me for falling for such an novice snafu, but hey, I'm still learning.

On to a more pressing issue:

Rutgers let me know today that they will not be giving me any grant money. Apparently they are too poor. As a result, if I wish to attend that lovely pearl of a university in New Brunswick, I will need to take out substantial loans. Well, not substantial to the same degree NYU was substantial, but equivalent to an entire NYU semester (for one full Rutgers year.)

Now, given how much NYU cost me, I would normally have no problem with signing those promissary notes and packing my bags for New Brunswick. However, SUNY at Buffalo has offered me a scholarship covering my full tuition. So, on the one hand, we have a costly school that is only 36 miles away from the city. On the other hand, there's a really cheap, good school that obviously wants me, but is 400 miles away. It's a real dilemna, I tell you. Good thing I have plenty of time to decide.

Oh wait, Rutgers needs a commitment from me by this Friday!

AN UNEXPECTED DAY OFF FROM WORK:

Today was better than two days ago, but not better than yesterday, which, in turn, was better than the day before yesterday, or two days before today.

When I left the office yesterday, XB, my supervisor, said I didn't have to come into work today. Then she said I didn't have to come in again until she or someone from techpool called.

For a while, I suspected that I had been fired in about as indirect a way as possible. After all, up until yesterday, I had been doing terribly. And while I finally started to get the hang of all this macro-running yesterday, for all I knew, XB had already gone to her supervisor Wednesday, and set in motion plans to dump me like a Sylvester Stallone flick in the spring movie season. For all I knew, I was as ready to be toppled as a NY Times editor balanced on a flagpole on a windy day.

But I just got a call asking if I could come in Monday morning. So I guess everything's okay.

ON TO MORE IMPORTANT STUFF:

But before I move on to more important stuff, has anyone who attended thecomicman and sam's little soiree last night seen my stranglin gloves. I apologive if I've already asked you this question, but I really love those gloves, and the loss of them would wound me deeply. They're black gloves, really comfy. I really, really, really hope I left them at thecomicman and sam's place.

MORE IMPORTANT STUFF:

Since I had an unexpected day off, I decided to finally go see The Matrix Reloaded at my local theater. Since it's a weekday, I went to the morning show and got to see it for bargain price. Good thing, too, because it's only half a movie!

But I did enjoy it. I probably need to see it again just to understand everything the Architect was babbling about. And while I initially chuckled at the whole "Fate of mankind rests on Neo's kissing power" scene, I thought it made perfect sense by the end of the film. I don't know who the Monica Belluci character is supposed to be, but I suspect she knows about the decision Neo ultimately has to make, but had her doubts. After Neo super-kissed her, she probably realizes that yes, Neo will sacrifice all of humanity to save Trinity. See, it's not just for horny teenagers.

Also, the ending of Reloaded has helped me better appreciate the ending of the first movie. Did Neo really wake up after being shot by Agent Smith because he heard Trinity cooing at him? Or was it because he could feel the machines inside the Nebuchanezzar, and this shocked him back into being. Who knows? Who knows?

MY THIRD DAY AT BOWNE:

Tomorrow will be better than today, because today sucked.

I won't get into the gory details, suffice to say that capped off my afternoon by running a Tittle-Matrix instead of TEP file. See, XB looked at the master schedule, and saw some Tittle Matrixes due tomorrow. But I guess they weren't ready yet, because when I asked if she wanted me to try running them, she said no, and then said she'd give me something to practice with. I assumed she was giving me a practice Tittle-Matrix, so I just ran the TEP like it was a Tittle. Like I can tell the difference! But she got all upset when she saw I screwed it up, and said if I'm ever unsure of something, I should ask her. It took every fiber of self-will to keep me from talking back, "Well, I wasn't unsure at the time!"

Meanwhile, April wants to introduce me to other people on the floor. She might want to hold off on those introductions, seeing as I might not be here much longer.

On a final note, the guy who lied and recommended me for the job (We'll call him "Geoffrey," or "G," so as to not give away his real name) finally stopped by. He seems cool. I asked how our mutual friend Halifax is doing. G responded by looking down at the floor, shaking his head, and muttering, "Hal... Hal... Hal never changes." Then he started to walk away before stopping, looking down at the floor again, and saying, "Hal... Hal never changes."

MY SECOND DAY AT BOWNE:

Today was better, and tomorrow will be even better than today.

I think I'm starting to acquire the barest understanding of this whole macro-running job. It took lots of practice, and lots of questions, and lots of screw-ups, but I think I'm starting to come around.

"Pete" dropped by today. He's the project manager, and an all-around nice guy. When I told him that working at the techpool was much better than I expected--that I was expecting a dozen techies to be crammed shoulder-to-shoulder, while some guy in a Viking helmet stood above us pounding on a drum--he said, "Phil, you're insane." What a great compliment. I think I'm going to get along with everyone just great.

On the downside, XB asked LD to teach me how to run tool files. I don't know if LD is the infamous "headwound girl" I've been warned about, but clearly, she is a candidate to be headwound girl. She is easily the scariest woman I've ever been in close proximity to. Frazzled hair, wild darting eyes, and an excitable demeanor that makes an over-caffeinetted chinuahua look like a giant sea turtle washed ashore. She seemed more interested in snapping at me whenever I asked a question than in actually explaining how things work. Not that explaining things to me would have helped anyway, but you get the point.

MY FIRST DAY AT BOWNE:

Tomorrow will be better.

That is my new mantra, and it is one I need, because I do not know what the hell I am doing at Bowne. I feel like I spent the entire day working with my head up my ass. I have no idea what anything is, or what anyone is talking about, or how I am supposed to do anything. And it isn’t like I don’t try. I take notes, lots of notes. But I still end up totally confused and disoriented, like a bat caught in a wind tunnel.

Why did these people even hire me? Maybe it’s because, on a whole, they’re nice folks. The techpool consists of XB, project manager, who makes an honest effort to teach me this whole macro-running schtick. Her patience makes me feel even worse when, by late afternoon, I still have to consult with her on every other step of the process. I can’t help but worry that her patience is running out. Hey XB, just run the sword through me and put me out of my misery. No? Okay. By the way, how do I do the thing we’re supposed to do after the other thing again? Hello?

Ooh, let’s talk about the rest of the techpool. It’s just me, XB, and three others: L (male), LD (female), and A (female). And you know what? Everyone’s been pretty nice to me. One of the girls I work with is supposed to have a head wound, but I haven’t figured out which. And I don’t care. I have enough to worry about trying to figure out this labyrinthian Rubix cube of a job I’m entrenched in.

BACK TO THE IMPORTANT STUFF:

So I decided to rewatch the Hong Kong flick “Infernal Affairs” over the weekend. I can’t help thinking about those film critics who savage a movie when it first comes out, and then, a few years or a decade down the line, they’ll see the movie again and say, “In hindsight, it’s a masterpiece.” I’m not taking that profound a 180-degree turn with “I.A.” However, now that I’ve rewatched, I do think it’s a lot better put together than I initially gave it credit for. It still has flaws, but it’s solid entertainment with a good premise.

THE TIMES, THEY ARE A-CHANGIN...

So what's happened lately? Well, my temp gig at MetroPlus officially ended last Friday, and I am moving on to Bowne Global Communications, as the newest member of their techpool. My first day begins at 10 am tomorrow. If I know my life, and I know it quite well, my first day should be awkward and difficult. Can't wait!

More news: I have decided to quit my internship at the literary agency. It's been a fun 8 months, full of free reading and no real money, but I think it's time to move on. My last official bit of business will be to drop off Franco's manuscript tomorrow evening. I wholly recommend Franco's first literary effort, and considering how many manuscripts I passionately disliked over the past 8 months, I can't think of a better note to end on.

My new addiction: Forget anime. I have discovered cheap vcd's in Chinatown, and these suckers are now my new drug of choice. I bought/watched Ringo Lam's Prison on Fire, and the HK cut of Tsui Hark's Black Mask. Now let me tell you, as good as the original Hong Kong Black Mask is, it's no Black Mask 2. I went into BM expecting rubber suit monsters, awful acting, and shoddy production values. To my dismay, Black Mask manages to out-atmosphere more expensive "urban decay" action flicks such as Black Rain and Blade, with a fraction of their budget. And the fight scenes are quite cool. Even more shocking, since there's no awful dubbing in this original cut, the story actually makes sense. Damn you, Black Mask. Damn you to Hell!

OH, ONE MORE THING...

SUNY at Buffalo has offered me a full scholarship. Apparently, they, uh, really want me to attend their school.